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Family & Corrections Network |
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Meeting the Needs of Children of Incarcerated MothersAnn Metcalf Craig, MA While working for the Family Planning Council’s Parent Education Program with female inmates at Montgomery County Correctional Facility in Eagleville, PA, I was motivated to write an article entitled "Meeting the Needs of Children of Incarcerated Mothers", to address children’s issues of separation and loss. The article, published in the August 1998 issue of the American Bar Association’s "Child Law Practice", provided the framework for this presentation at the "Family and Corrections Conference" in September 1998. To get a feel for the attitudes of the twenty-nine attendees, and to quickly introduce some of the issues that help to form policy, which can often be counterproductive to children’s emotional health, I surveyed the audience with the following statements. (Some statements yielded less than 29, believed to be due to abstention, indecision, or inaccuracy in the quick handcount). 1. In general, incarcerated mothers have poor parenting skills. Agree 20, Disagree 6. 2. Prison visits are traumatic for children. Agree 6, Disagree 18. 3. Children should be told the truth about their mothers, when they go to jail. Agree 28, Disagree 1. 4. Incarcerated mothers can be helpful supports for their children. Agree 29. Disagree 0. Would the results have been the same if posed to a group in the general population? Probably not. In fact, during every first session of my eight week group series in the prison, the mothers invariably ask: 1. What effect does my being in prison have on my children? 2. Should I tell my children where I am? 3. How do I tell them? 4. Should I encourage them to visit? 5. Won’t visits be traumatic?? There are excellent handouts that clearly and simply address most of these questions, and they are provided to the mothers during their first session. The most valuable supplement of all, however, is to hear the mothers tell their own stories of the effect of their absence on their children, and how they, themselves, have honestly provided explanations to their children. One mother likened her situation to Aladdin, who stole and was punished. Her four year old understood. Others drew pictures of the bunk beds in their cells, a game of handball in the cement yard, and dinner on trays in the day area - to describe the prison setting and reassure their children of their safety. Those who were hesitant to have their children see them in their prison attire, heard firsthand from mothers who experienced the pleasure - and sometimes sadness - of a prison visit. As group facilitator, I acknowledge the positive parenting skills (of which there are many) of the incarcerated mothers, in order to help the women appreciate and share their strengths with others. Pre-tests indicate that mothers are generally aware of discipline strategies, basic child safety, and the importance of listening and modeling. The fact that 86% bring with them a history of alcohol or drug abuse, however, probably means that there was considerable time spent away from their children, emotionally or physically, resulting in widespread neglect, if not abuse. The major impact of the groups, as reported by incarcerated mothers, comes from the opportunity to gain and give support to each other. This enables them to understand and begin to better meet the needs of their children, even while separated from them. The members of the Family and Corrections audience, through a guided imagery of a five year old who abruptly had his mother taken away without explanation, described their feelings as that little boy or girl; compiled a list of child questions; and identified their child needs. At the same time, they became aware that the conditions for helping children cope with the separation from their mothers through incarceration are not always met for all children. Although 57% of a sample of mothers in the Parenting Education Program at Montgomery County Correctional Facility were the primary caretakers of their children prior to their incarceration, only 34% were receiving visits when they registered for the program. Family members, court officials and caseworkers often feel that visits are too traumatic for children, and do what they can to limit contact, even when specially supervised mother/child visits are available with snacks, toys and games to help normalize the conditions. Research has shown, however, that visits are important for children, and that it’s best if they happen as soon after incarceration as possible. Although children may have a difficult time right before or right after a visit, this is a normal reaction to a stressful situation, and has not resulted in serious emotional disturbances, according to the Center for Children of Incarcerated Parents in Pasadena, CA. If grief reactions are expected or experienced, there are more healthy strategies and tools available than preventing or limiting mother/child contact. A child, overwhelmed with feelings, can draw or write about them in workbooks designed for that purpose. A child who regresses to bedwetting after visits, can be given a concrete object such as a doll or stuffed animal, to help him or her cope. One inmate directed me to a segment in a 1995 production of "A Little Princess", where a father sensitively prepares his daughter for his departure, by giving her a porcelain doll to take his place while he’s gone. Games that allow for children to exchange thoughts and feelings with others, particularly when they can be used with the mother in the prison setting are invaluable. A brief resource list was provided to participants, but there are numerous other resources, addressing grief and loss issues, that are available to help children of incarcerated mothers. We don’t have to guess at what children need and what is best for them. Dr. John Bowlby, a renowned psychiatrist and expert on attachment and loss, conducted and compiled research that shows what children need when they experience the loss of a parent:
If children of incarcerated mothers are missing out on any of the above, others need to take the responsibility to educate and advocate for them. The growth in female incarceration is likely to continue. Extending the punitive attitude toward children, under the guise of shielding them from harm, need not. © 1998 Ann Metcalf Craig |
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