Adapted from How Can I Help?, published by the Osborne Association, Long Island, New York, used with permission. 

Is prison visiting good for the child of a prisoner? Is it good for the parent in prison? Is it good for the family?

There is no one right answer for every situation or family. But there are many families and children that can benefit from maintaining family ties through the crises of incarceration.

Can contact with a parent in prison benefit children?
Each family situation is different. The potential benefit to children depends greatly on how much support they receive. There are many adults who are important in the lives of children of prisoners. Children can benefit when adults help with letter writing and phone calls. They can also benefit when these adults participate in preparing for and conducting visits.

There are several ways children can benefit from visits to their parents in prison.

Potential Benefits to Children

·  Correcting frightening images
What the child imagines about the incarcerated parent's condition and circumstances is likely to be much worse and more frightening than the reality. As depressing as a prison visiting room may be, it is far better that what many children imagine.

·  Talking face to face
Parents in prison can talk with their children about their crime and life behind bars in ways that can decrease the child’s guilt and feelings of responsibility. Parents in prison can help their children feel worthy and lovable.

·    Learning you are not alone
Seeing other children and families at prison visits helps families know their situation is not unique. There are people who understand.

·  Preparing for release
Maintaining contact through visits, phone and mail is also important to prepare the incarcerated parent to be re-united with the family upon release. Without contact, the child may experience the parent's return as an intrusion. The child may be confused when the newly released parent brings a change in parenting style and rules to an established routine in the family. This can be true whether or not the parent will live with the child.

·   Preventing termination of parental rights
For children placed in foster care because of parental incarceration, visits are important to avoid permanent placement. These visits assure children that their parents have not voluntarily abandoned them to strangers. In the lives of foster children, ongoing visiting creates continuity. Also, courts may be less inclined to terminate the rights of a parent who, while incarcerated, worked to provide parental support.

·   Healing grief and loss
 The pain of separation can overwhelm children in foster care and other children of prisoners. Maintaining the relationship between the child and the parent in prison is important to the child's adjustment and healing.

Can contact with family members behind bars benefit families? 
Families can benefit from bridging the gap between jail and community. Families are complex systems. The absence of a part of the system has a powerful impact on its functioning. Family members in prison can be a vibrant part of the family if communication exists.

While prison limits the activities that a family member can perform, a prisoner can still fill an important role in family life as mother, father, spouse, partner, or sibling.

But families can only benefit from their relationship with an incarcerated member when and if they stay in communication.

There are many reasons for families separated by arrest and imprisonment to keep in touch. There are also many reasons that doing so is difficult.

Children of Prisoners Library pamphlets are designed to make the process a little easier. For more ideas on maintaining relationships, see CPL pamphlets 103, 105 and 107 and 201 – 204.

Can contact with families benefit prisoners?
The family is probably this country's most valuable weapon in fighting crime. Prisoners who receive visitors, maintain family ties, and are released to a stable home environment are more likely to succeed in leading productive, crime-free lives.

Prison inmates clearly benefit from family efforts to stay in touch. Families can provide an incentive for prisoners to grow, learn and change. Families can help prisoners stay in touch with what's going on in the world, easing their transition back to society. Some parole authorities see strong family ties as an indicator that a prisoner is better prepared for release.

Many parents in prison can contribute positively to a child's upbringing. Prisoners who have failed as citizens can succeed as parents. Prison can be an opportunity to become a better parent—more caring, concerned and informed.

Prison may not be the best place to improve one's parenting, but it has been done. Around the country, there is growing interest in starting and expanding programs to help prisoners learn the skills of parenting. The Directory of Programs at www.fcnetwork.org lists many examples.