When a child’s parent goes to prison or jail, with rare exception, the child mourns. They may miss the parent that played with them or cooked for them or watched TV with them, and doing these things may increase their sadness. Or, if their incarcerated parent was not very available before imprisonment, the child may mourn the loss of the hope of what might have been if only Mom or Dad had not gone away.

Either way, the time when a parent is imprisoned is a time when children wait and often hope. They wait for Mom or Dad to come back to take care of them, the way they did before, or, they wait for the return of a parent who has been changed and “made better” by their time in prison. They also hope that this time Mom or Dad will stay.

The caregivers of children of prisoners may have many things in common. They all cope with the criminal justice system, deal with the impact on the children, have to find ways to make ends meet, deal with their own feelings toward the child’s parents, and struggle with how to answer children’s questions. But each family and each care giving circumstance is also unique.

Caregivers could be the incarcerated parent’s parent, another grandparent, an aunt, or older sibling. A caregiver might be a family friend, foster parent or group home staff member. Some caregivers took on the responsibility by default because there was no one else, while others were already the guardians of the children before the incarceration of the parent.

Some caregivers are unrelated to the child by blood but are the friends or girlfriends or boyfriends or partners of one of the child’s parents. Some children are in foster care with adults that they did not know before their parent went to prison. In some cases, children moved far away from the homes they were living in prior to their parents arrest and incarceration and find themselves in new and unfamiliar environments.

Meanwhile, most caregivers are expected to raise the children, keep them connected in some way to their imprisoned parent, earn a living, and care for other members of the family. It may be difficult for caregivers to respond consistently to the feelings and behaviors of the children of prisoners in their care.

Teachers, health care providers, social workers, clergy and those that work as coaches, librarians and recreation directors are not trained to help children or their caregivers to cope with this crisis.

Influences on the Caregivers’ Ability to Cope

·      The degree of familiarity they have with the child 

·      The intensity of change and upheaval in the child’s life

·      Economic stress/stability or the oppression of poverty

·      Degree of isolation, whether in urban, suburban, or rural settings.

·      Caregiver’s health and emotional well being

·      Quality of the child’s school

·      Caregiver’s job satisfaction

·      Community resources

·      Support of family and friends

·      Family spirituality and faith

·      The impact of racial and ethnic prejudices

·      Presence of knowledgeable professionals